I’m sitting here, still as I can be. It doesn’t help much. This summer has gained weight, pressing at me from every direction. It’s almost hard to breathe. Sometimes the rain falls slightly, giving us a glimpse of what could be instead. But no, those threateningly dark clouds serve to tease us in this heat and I’d shake a fist at it if only I had more energy. Gods… what’s it waiting for? It’s so hot…

Lo and behold… another one of these so-called epiphanies just slapped me in the face again!

So, when all is said and done(refer to last entry), I’m going to be settled with a nice fam of my own. I always say that I don’t want kids of my own, but… family’s important to me. I think that little trip to Massachusetts made me realize that. I think I knew it, even before a conversation I had with my brother. I could see it for myself… I love being around these little kids as well as the parents. For the little uns, it’s fun seeing all the things they do that I know they’re going to reminisce about in the future. I feel like I’m looking back in time to what I lived through: the same cheesy vacations spots, enjoying it with the family and friends, just making the best of whatever we had. Memories in the making, it’s a beautiful thing to watch.
And the parents, geez the parents. If not for them, I wouldn’t have such a good collection of memories(specially the ones with Christian, Rach & Ren, Carlo/Beej); if not for them, Kristine, Gus, JC, JP, and Michael wouldn’t have the days of snowboarding/camping/video-gaming/getting scared by ghost stories/etc to look back on. The parents complain that we never went through rough days like they did in the Philippines, but still they do what they can to make sure we have a healthy, happy childhood. Do you see what I mean? We may get into fights with them, conflicts of interest and whatnot, but first and foremost they put us, their children, above everything. They don’t have to, but they do… sacrificing their time & money. I am ever so greatful....
....and I think, the best way to show my gratitude… is to later on pass on what I’ve learned, follow their example and raise a fam of my own....... cheesy? Probably, but whatever.


& yeah, I’m aware, life’s not always so goody-goody, but it’s getting through the bad and having the good times to remember that makes it all worthwhile, ya know?

AHHHH. Departure time is… SOON and I’m not packed!! Well actually my porfolio is all packed and ready to go…

I think I had an epiphany yesterday. You know… about seeing what’s out there. hah hah hah. Keep my self from any obligations… ones that could tie me down… and just focus on what I want to do. A bold thing to say I guess, but I’m not the type to really care about having someone. I wanna make my monies and then do what I wanna do and........ yeah. YEAH!

Anyway, I’m off to Massachussets for a few days. Gonna be snowboarding(first timer!!), doing some artwork. Hopefully the atmosphere will be nice there.... I’m going again with a bunch of crazy Filipinos that I love so much, so it’ll fun times again with some kiddies. Yeah yeah so here I go..


Enjoy break everyone! Stay safe and such.... I’ll be seeing you all soon.. uhm.... oh yeah if you need anything, I have my cell again.. :D

In the present, when I think about D-30, I always say to myself that these entries are of no importance and thus don’t need archiving. Though, looking through my past (lost) entries through the web archive, I realize it’s always good to be able to have something to look back upon. No matter how stupid they were.

I wrote/updated a lot more back then than I ever do now. What’s most interesting(to me at least) is how much I wrote in my blog. I used to update on a lot of the little things I did. There were random rants, messages out to different people… etc. From seventh grade up until now, I realize I’ve gotten a lot more… conservative in my posting patterns. I’m debating whether it’s a good thing or bad. For one thing, writing such things are unnecessary and can be seen as a waste of time. Who would want to read what you did that day? Who would care? But then again, in it’s own way, it kept me in touch with people, with friends.
So wait, I guess in it’s own convoluted way, those stupid posts did (kindof)matter? Good job, I just confused myself.

Whatever, that’s one thing that will never change about the posts I make on dark-thirty. They have their own way of somehow never making sense and losing focus.

...

Yeah. So anyway, I miss the stupid comments people left on this site. I miss ordering people to actually sign the guestbook. I miss the interaction. I love d30 and I love people and I love it when they come together. Do me a favor and entertain me: do one of those things. I promise I’ll update. No matter how small or inane the posts are. ...I’ll be updating!!!

My soul feels so damn empty. ’Life is unusually beautiful, but sometimes I feel so unsuitable and it drowns out what’s musical.‘ I think it’s this weather. ’and you feel like you’re so sad you make it rain and then a song plays that says Wise Men say, “It looks like rain today” Crackled on the speakers trickle down the sleepy subway train‘ Well not really sad, just empty. Shiit.. I don’t need to fall back to where I was, that dreaded room were everything’s dark and cold. But nothing’s moving me right now. My voice and laughter feel so hollow. And wasn’t it only a few days ago that I was busy collecting good times, good memories for the written record? I feel like some druggie crashing down from a high. Dang… gotta get out of this ditch. I just feel so.. blank, no motivation. Especially to do all this school shit, we’re so close to the end and it sucks to be at my current stae. I know though, that I’ll fall deeper if I don’t get at least half this stuff done and I fear that so badly that I’ll fall. And so I guess thats the only thing that gets me to do this dam essay, or to keep me awake at the last minute to finish these assignments.
Agh I’ll probably be better tomorrow-going out with some people for Christian’s birthday, Cheesecake Factory. I should be enjoying that, and prom I should look forward to that too. Yeah I should.

And I thought dinner at Bennigan’s was more than enough. And I thought the chicken was enough. Thnx for all your time and effort. If being 16 is sweet, 17 is even sweeter.
Je t’aime.

Today, history was successfully rewritten by yours truly. 

Just want to give everyone a message. I guess this is what you call ‘shout outs’ (In order of buddy list appearance-Mobile Device, Flips Pretzels, Old Skool, Tennis, The Unknown, and inside they’re in alphabetical order by sn) Edit - To find your name just click Ctrl+F and type your name.
Ryan Magsino - Haven’t talked to this kid in a while. Wonder who you’re going for now lol
Christian - Too much to say about him, regret that he will be leaving for college soon and thankful of everything he has taught me, much much love to you.
Charlina - Miss you a lot… sorry I don’t reply quicker and longer, I’m wishing you well in Korea, stay safe!
Progga - Oh boy… stop making fun of me about Muhammed, it’s good to have known you… you listen to me I love you and thanks for being there
Jude - Oh dear… thanks for making me laugh and smile all the time, specially those younger years when Christian was an ass. Lotta fun memories with you around, don’t change, much love to you
JJ - Hey player...how’s life? Still waiting? hehe..Charming kid, sometimes lol. I’m glad to have known you better.. I wish I was still at tennis with you guys
Rennell - Oh boy… it’s my second brother(you did come before Michael and all..), good luck with your love life, and I don’t mind playing victim hehe. Thanks for listening to me too...specially those times when I found Christian my worst enemy. lotta love for you rennell!!
Ju Sun - Stay strong, hopefully you’ll become more social, we’ll be stuck on that island one day ok?
Justin Oz - Asian wannabe hehe… wear green more, you’re not a stupid kid so quit being lazy and annoying in school.
Rod - We’re still partners, the Marc Anthony dance and tennis right? Haha, good luck in life and stay cool
Electra - !! Oh we’ve been friends since....first grade. Can you believe they used to mix the two of us up? Lol… thanks for keeping your trust with me, and being my anime buddy lol Those were the times.. writing long ass notes to each other, getting in trouble in French. Plus in SS(7th grade) we tried bringing down Chris in the debates, but he’d have no idea what we were talking about, so it was pointless lol. I miss you lectrae lol, don’t talk as much as before, ne?
Michelley - Twinkie! But you and I know you can never escape your Korean-ness. A closer look and it shows that both of us have more in common that what everyone sees. You know where to find me if you need to yell heh
Tom - Michelley’s cousin! We’ve gotten much closer, thanks for listening, and thanks for your advice. It’s good to know someone who’s got a lot of the same beliefs as me.
Paul Narzabal - Don’t know you too well Paul, my fondest memory was at Tamsuk’s party, you, Jed, me trying to play Dominoes with the Jenga blocks
Samantha - Don’t really talk much, but you were and are always a sweet girl, stay that way
BJ - Don’t deny you’re better than me at drawing lol, keep it up and you know you’ll end up having your own anime one day hehe
Mark - Thanks for all your house parties lol, glad talk to you more nowadays, funny guy lol
Ralph - Hehe, not much to say about you Ralph, nice kid though
Carlo - Ah funny guy lol, keep up those stories Carlo, I remember when we always used to go to your apartment.. and Rocko and Sonya.. getting in trouble with Tita Nenet hhaha
Jed - You were the one I’d always talk to online, remember talking with that girl Jen? Keep working on your graphic skills.. they’re coming out very nicely
Jade - Ah.. don’t know what to say hehe
Andre - Thanks for your comment on my sweet sixteen pic =p
Geoffrey - Such a nice guy
Marie - Oh boy… we’ve had some pretty funny stuff from school/tennis/swimming lol. Remember when the bus driver though it was you that said that stuff? I’m sorry about that lol
Gerald - I remember.. you draw very well too haha
Kristine Ang - most outgoing girl I know, keep enjoying life to the fullest
Chris - Player number 2 and oh so very modest. YEA RIGHT. Remember to use the rubber Chris. Don’t drink too much. You’re a smart kid and fun to talk to, too bad I don’t see you as often
Angelica(little one) - You talk to me online… but I doubt you know who I am in real life lol. Talented girl, keep doing what you’re doing
Ryan Rubi - Hi Ryan, how’s the girls huh?
Victor - I remember you when you were young… going to Action Park with us, and coming here to rollerblade hehe
Kathleen - Scared of everyone growing up? Yea, I know what you meant, we both felt the same way before.. I remember that time. Do you?
Camille - Hey cammy… had fun at my Sweet 16 huh? Hehe.. I had lotta memories at your house too, rollerblading park lol
Brian - You grew up with us too! Always at Carlo’s apartment heh
Paulette - stay nice.. thanks for letting us swim at your house.. it’s fun night swimming right haha
Jill - oh I don’t know… good luck in college
Raizza - Raizza growing up.. stay funny hehe
Ralene - Remember those times when I said, we can’t grow up? lol.. sliding down the hill at camping.. stay an awesome person, thanks for.. being who you are always.
Alex Ebron - Unique kid, stay that way
Rachel - Oh boy… we were best friends growing up… so many memories with you, the jaguar game, when we were in the bathroom and we thought there was a ghost..calling each other to see what we would wear to parties.. lol I love your sporadic hyper activity Rach.
Bong - Hey there strike...how’s it going, stay funny and good luck with everything
Kayekay - Dang we grow fast hehe, do you smell something? Agh there’s so much more, Logan, Joe, lol
Riza - How’s the college life? We used to have some talks.. letting all this stuff out, thanks for that
Tamsuk - Yeah, you’re filipino lol. Turtles and ninjas are awesome, and that’s what you are lol. Stay chill hehe
Arianne - Hehe I remember seeing you over the summer at Cam and Lette’s house.. orange swimsuits! yea! hehe
Kimberly - I’ve been talking to you a lot more, and you’re still the same chill person, fun to be around. Keep it that way hehe
Allen - hey (former) partner, how’s it going? Got anymore cotillions?
Anavi - You so loud, but sweet too hehe
Anna - Crazy girl, enjoy life and keep smiling
Paul Chung - Hey boy, haven’t talked to you much in a while. Thanks for some good memories
Mike Santillana - Keep everyone smiling Mike, I always appreciate it when you’re around and making us laugh. Stay the ‘model citizen’ you are. We gotta watch LoTR this year too!
Jen - stay hyper and funny. I was your goodluck charm hehe
Josh Drago - Smart kid, sorry if my brother scares you at times
Lauren - Oh those were the days when you used to walk here and play tag with us, our sides hurt from running AND laughing. Remember Desirae’s face? That was priceless
Lauren Steiner - I remember, I’d always be talking to you online back in 6th grade, we weren’t even close.
Jen Scherf - Hey there...all I remember is back in sixth grade.. and fourth when you yelled at Mr. Fialko hehe
Nick Taucher - Hey smartass.. stop making the crazian looks stupid in Global hahaha.. play you in tennis sometime
Chris Tobin - Majestic bird! Thanks for lending me FFX, and we have to watch LoTR next year too so don’t get in trouble then! Don’t ever forget Ed haha and those times in Jamin and LasCow’s class
Sean Gibney - Sorry Sean I don’t talk to you on the bus anymore.. and sorry for dropping Java hehe
Denise - Deenie… you’re such a sweet girl, thanks for always being so nice to me
Sano - Sano is very sweet too.. good luck in school and life Sano!
Sergio - I’ll get you back for all the times you smacked me hehe, it’s good to have gotten to know you better
Cory - The devil’s child, how’s Beziel? Studio art rocked.. do you still have those demonic drawings of yours?
Jessica- JessiSca is what I always tried to call you. Remember You, me, and Allison? Those days were so fun, playing vampire remember that?? But those people always ruined it for us, oh well, we had some good times anyways. And remember your bday? In the hospital in front of the camera lol.
James Pi - How’s it going James? Haven’t talked to you much since last year..
Shawn - Hey white dragon how’s it going? China, India, Korea.. and when you stomp your foot down that’s Philippines lol
Myra - Myra is so cute ^^ and so is her drawings, stay innocent!
Ben Song - I probably do have a little Christian in me hehe
Dale - I don’t really see you as ‘quite’
Justin Song - what to say? Hot artists!
Carl - Crazy, weird kid hehe, but fun, stay that way, thanks for the rides
Madeline - Funny girl, you only live down the street.. I never knew that you know
Tessin - How’s life Tessin? Always stay strong, and stop punching me, you’re bony hehe
Ansu - How you been Ansu? Haven’t talked to you in a while.. remember South?
Melissa - Oh dang, studio art was so much fun, when we told Marie who Pisces was? Hahaha.. and your blue flame
Alvin - Not much to say, nice leather jacket
Mike Browning - How’s the graphic work going Mike? Now you know how I feel when not paying for Dark-thirty hahaa
Veeraj - The wife beater lol, science was so much fun. Our communist table was so funny with Gaeton and Madison plus Purkis.. Larry.. we should be in the same class again
Charles - Aw everybody loves Charles, well last year at least. Let’s play Jeopardy sometime again!
Phil Yang - yeah yeah, I missed you too.. good to know you’re back now
Kim Doctor - Good luck with modeling and acting, you’ll make it big someday! I’ll be right here supporting you!
Riaz - I miss you raz!! I didn’t see you when you came to visit.. make sure to see me next time ok?
Chris Arabi - Thank goodness I got hold of that ugly ass picture lol I’m sorry.. I will draw for you sometime ok
Karen - Baby Wren!! I admire your strength! Keep up with all the funny random stuff and stay creative
Madison - Thanks for keeping us in line at our table in science, it was.. fun lol
Tiffany - Good luck on life and keep your head up
Amanda - Traitor! You’re a Clam and you know it!!
Sarah Lee - Thanks for not being scared off by my weirdness hehe
Winston - PAULS MOM hahahaha
Matt Robles - Keep up with the graphic stuff Matt, stop pissing off Mr. Ko
Andrew Slafta - I’ve known you for a long time.... from tennis and all.
Leif - GO WHITEBOY haha.. sorry about everything that Mr. Clinton does to you… I wish it were summer too
Young - Ahn nYoung haha.. stop getting in trouble in French! She finds you so disturbing lol.. but that’s cause of stuff like ‘Oh, I was just looking at his arm’ Paul’s mom!?
Andrew Bernstein - Glad I got to know you better Andrew.. see you around at MY house sometime lol
Edwin Lee - You know chicken is best
Elaine - Thanks for always inviting me hehe.. keep up with your originality
Catherine - How have you been? I haven’t seen you in the longest time, you must be awesome at tennis now. Are you still drooling over ---? hehe
Leon - Funny guy hehe Haven’t seen you in a long time either
Nikko - Nikko!! How’s college treating you?? Will I ever see you again? Good luck in everything!
Dru - Dang, I’ve known you for how long, and we’ve only gotten closer recently. Keep up with your DJ skills, I know you’ll make it up there someday. Stay strong man
Angelica - What’s up? Too bad we never get decent conversations online lol
Amy - The other person who I actually wanted to talk to at camp. We suffered, damn stupid coaches. You’re a great person, and good luck to whatever you’re doing.
Amy - Nyack Amy lol.. funny girl, how’s hakwon with all the hot guys hehe, stay funny
Benson - I’ve only known you recently, funny guy
Josh - Hey Josh!! I still have to give you those vids, it’s good getting to know you, stay.. weird hehe
Jon - Twin of Josh.. finally someone I know who speaks bisaya! hehe
ENDORE SUPPORT my host Ivan I guess - Endore.com is a great host, and Ivan is cool too. He responds to my questions very quickly lol
Vitdao - great graphics artist, sorry I did such a shitty job, let’s collabo again, next time I’ll give you something greater!
Eddie Chang - How’s it gong Eddie.. you still have to stop by TZ one of these days
AJ - How’s the love life going man? Keep writing those poems, and those great last two lines lol
Chris - Yea, I’ll be here anytime you need HTML tips lol
Doyeon - Wow D, you’re last -__- Stay young! Like you say you act XP keep drawing, I love seeing your funny stuff. Keep in touch and let’s meet up sometime whether you’re in NY or I’m in CA!!

Wow, that was the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Glad I spent time on this though, don’t know why. Gotta be thankful of people I guess right? Too bad only like 3 people will see this. Michelle, Rennell, and a variable haha. Keep your head up, through thick and thin, I’ll do anything I can....

You never really know someone until you listen to what they have to say. The most misunderstood people that we possibly know are our parents. Those verbal lessons always go in one ear and out the other. ’Back when I was your age...‘ is what they always seem to say. We never consider putting ourselves in their place, ’that was then, this is now.‘ But last night, my father said something that caught my attention, and gave me better understanding of how life actually was for him. It made me admire him, for he had such a poor harsh childhood but through strong struggles he is now leading a well-enough successful life.
What exactly did he say? “I started my job when I was only fourteen years old. Always being ordered around, coming in on Sundays to clean up; meaning I would have to get down on hands and knees to clean the floors. It was a very hard life back then as I’ve told you so many times before......”

“There were many times, when I considered suicide. I never thought there would be a future for me.”

Selling hot dogs, freezing our hands getting soda. Night falls - hard. Stopped at the door, dragged away, missing, and missing someone. The shining stars.. fell. And it fell on us.

Rennell&Rachel’s house yesterday. Haven’t talked to J in a while. Rachel showed me ugly fobs. Kayekay was hyper. Marie and I vented on school. The stars shone on me last night.. I’m happy :D