Do you ever think about the things you’ve accomplished and your reasons for accomplishing them?
My bike is my freedom and independence.
School, for me, was a necessity in life. I’m lazy, but I love learning.
I love the monotony of a 9-5. It means security. And anyway, you take what you can get from any situation. I have loved each of the few jobs I’ve had. I am not hard to please and as long as there are good people around, as long as I take things lightly, work is never burdensome.
I don’t know where this is going, but I’ll let it lead anyway.
I often think about where I am in life, how I’m happy to be here. I have prayed almost every night since elementary school. Even when I’m halfway past sleeping, I force myself to pray. I’ve come to realize it’s not so much about God as much as it is about taking the time of day to not take for granted the people and opportunities I have in life. At the end of every day, I can completely say that I do not take anything for granted.
I always put myself first and foremost. When you are content with yourself, it is easier to help and support the people you love.
When I first watched Episode I, I thought it was quite silly that the reason Anakin turned into Darth Vader was that he had too much fear. I didn’t understand then how much power fear has over us if we allow it. I’ve come to realize how ugly it really is, and how much Darth Vader makes so much sense. There are a lot of insecure people out there, and insecurity is just fear of being oneself. Insecurity is such an ugly ugly thing. It leads you to do stupid things, to alienate yourself, to look down upon yourself.
The most important lesson I’ve learned thus far is the lesson of self worth. The grass only seems greener on the other side. People are looking at your lawn envying what you have, but you’re too busy to notice because you’re envying and vying for your neighbors lawn. We always feel like we need this or need that to be beautiful, to be accepted, to be cool, but the funny thing I’ve discovered is you don’t need anything more than who you are. Sure you may want things, but a lot of the times we want because we think we need.
People are amazing creatures. People fascinate me. Even if I complain about some people(oops, of course I do it), I can’t help but find something beautiful and respectful in everyone I’ve come across. I wish I could show you how amazing you are…
do I sound like a self-help book yet? But it’s so true and I believe in it with whole-hearted conviction.
When you are complete in yourself, it is so much easier to find beauty in others. And it makes you want to cultivate it and let them see it too.
I sometimes wonder if things would be different if I grew up differently. If my parents were more inhibiting, if I didn’t have the same opportunities I have now, would I still be happy with myself? But I don’t think about it too much because what I have here and now is what matters. And I remind myself that opportunity is everywhere.
Parents are some of the biggest influences we have in life. Whether they were there or weren’t, the impact they leave is astounding. Growing older you realize how much like your parents you really are, or on the opposite end, trying to stay far from who they were. Either way, they affect us so much, not just in the quirks we pick up, but in the way we view things, the way we make decisions.
When your heart catches up with that unease in the back of your mind, that is when your heart breaks. It is unlike anything you’ve ever felt. I can’t describe it at all. But it is heavy and large and it strikes dull at the soul. Two heartbreaks in a month. Who ever knew? But I look back on this, what I’ve written, and I am still myself. I don’t pretend to be strong, but I know who I am, and I’ll hurt, but no, I’m not discouraged. Not yet anyway. I mourn the loss of “what could be.” It shall never be mourning over what has passed.
